… I really need to talk to you about something. But no, you’re being a mobi-dick and just keep texting me all these articles about knot-tying and white privilege.

While that would make a hilarious idea for an updated story of Moby Dick, it kinda ties in with what I’m gonna ramble about today… cell phones.

There have been many hundreds of thousands of articles written on cell phone etiquette… none of which have been apparently read by the people that need them the most. This leads me to believe that the worst offenders can’t read. Bad logic, I know. When I rode to school on my dinosaur, I had no idea just how popular and prevalent cell phones would become. What follows, are the same issues I’ve noticed that are still hanging around from the days where cell phones were nothing but a gigantic, brick-sized battery attached to a radio that could make telephone calls:

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